So the wait begins ...

She doesn't have much time left、 was what I heard.  It was the first and only time I heard my father cry.  How much I wondered 、I wanted to ask、but decided not to.  Does it matter how much exactly?  Does anyone actually know exactly?  No、I didn't think anyone knew、not even the doctors.  They could guess I suppose.  But I didn't ask、because from the tone I knew it was't long.  I later found out.  She could go at any moment、or may be around "as long as" a month.

"If there is anything that you want to do、its your last chance."  He told me.  What can I do now I thought.  She has no energy left.  She spends all day and night asleep at the hospital bed、waking up once every few hours for only a minute or two.  But as I found out、there was something that I could do.  I could talk to her、she can hear me but doesn't respond much.  She's too tired、it seems to take effort just to open her eyes and utter a few words.  And I could hold her hand、and she would hold mine more tightly than what I expected her to be able to.  It's my way of communicating、just to tell her that she is not alone.  I'm here besides her.  I'm sure I will cherish this moment.

I also told her some things that I had never told her before.  My last chance to tell her.  "You have taken care of me so well throughout your life.  I am so lucky to have been born as your son."  "I am also happy to have you as my son" she responded.

"You might not remember but when I was in Japan I called you to tell you about it、I had a dream.  In the dream I was little、maybe 4-5 years old.  I was walking with you、and you were holding my hand.  That was all that the dream was.  But I woke up from that dream crying and called you.  That was the first time I thought of coming back home. " It made me think how I would feel if you were gone and I didn't get a chance to be with my mum in her last moments.  Though it was years after that when I finally came back、that dream was what started it all.  It was always on the back of my mind.

"When I came back and found out that you were sick.  You had problems with the side effects of your medication.  You didn't want to take them.  At that time I was trying to have a child.  I wanted to say、"mum please try a little harder、wait to see your grand child".  But I didn't say anything、because I wasn't sure I would ever have a child.  So when she was born、my child、 I was so happy.  Not only because we wanted the child but also so she could meet you.  I hoped that she would give you something to want to continue to live for.  To see your grand child.  I'm so happy you got to meet her、and that she got to meet her grandmother."

"She is a cute kid", was all that she could find the energy to say、before dozing off again.